For soon-to-be brides and grooms who call off their wedding, there’s the immediate heartbreak that comes with losing someone you planned to spend your life with. Then there’s the logistical nightmare of having to unplan one of the most important events of your life — breaking the news to everyone from your grandma to your gynecologist, swallowing lost deposits, fielding prying questions and fighting stigma in the process.

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Divorce is a traumatic and difficult decision for all parties involved—and there’s arguably no salve besides time to take that pain away. However, when the whole concept of marriage and divorce is reexamined, there’s actually something far more powerful—and positive—at play.

Oh, I know—I’m guessing there are single 30-year-old women reading this right now who will be writing letters to the editor to say that the women I know aren’t widely representative, that I’ve been co-opted by the cult of the feminist backlash, and basically, that I have no idea what I’m talking about. And all I can say is, if you say you’re not worried, either you’re in denial or you’re lying. In fact, take a good look in the mirror and try to convince yourself that you’re not worried, because you’ll see how silly your face looks when you’re being disingenuous.